Fall/Winter 2007

Bullying takes on many forms: physical, sexual, verbal and recently, cyber. It is most common in middle school and, as parents, it is important to be aware of your children’s participation in this common activity, whether as the bully or as the victim, or both.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), nearly 30 percent of students in grades 6 through 10 report involvement in bullying, 13 percent as bullies, 10 percent as victims and 6 percent as both.

Traditional playground bullies tend to be aggressive, mix in with large social groups, and may even be popular among their peers, who may also be bullies. Victims are often more submissive, isolated or less social.

Children involved at any level are more likely to have symptoms of depression, including withdrawal from activities or falling grades, or even physical symptoms, such as headaches.

The new technology: With the advent of technology, a new form of bullying called cyber bullying has leapt to the forefront of our attention. Cyber bullying includes put downs, mocking, name calling, rumor spreading or even pretending to be someone else via any of the amazing technologies that we and many of our children use daily—e-mail, text messaging, instant messaging, blogging, camera phones, chat rooms, websites and web diaries.

Unlike old-fashioned playground bullies, girls are more likely to be involved in cyber bullying than boys are, with online activities such as fighting or revealing secrets about family or friends. Children report that it is easier to say things online that they would not say in person, or even on the phone. And, as younger children become internet savvy, it makes sense to ponder involvement at even younger ages in the future.

Examples of things that have occurred in cyber space include threats delivered by text message of bodily harm or even death, or embarrassing pictures snapped with camera phones and then posted for the whole school, or perhaps the whole world to see. They include websites listing “the school’s most ______________ (fill in your favorite derogatory description) girls or boys.”

And, cyber bullying can start with a seemingly minor negative comment about a friend with whom your child is at odds being forwarded to many others, with the consequence coming back to hurt your child as the original author of that given email. A petty comment about the appearance of a friend’s new haircut, or a less than flattering choice of clothing on a given day, could be forwarded for all to see.

In the most extreme cases, victims of cyber bullying have committed suicide, and perpetrators have been arrested, ending up in big legal trouble over bullying websites.

A secondary caution about cyber space: Another aspect of children using the internet is that the old saying about kids’ misbehavior going on their “permanent records,” which may have been a hollow threat in the past, is now actually true. Young users should note that any information posted online is archived and can be accessed forever, or at least for the foreseeable future. Your kids may not know that individuals have been denied jobs, athletic scholarships and school admissions based on archived information found about them from past years on the internet.

Educating yourself and your children is important, so that the wonderful, amazing technologies of today can
be used safely. Most experts recommend, for instance, that your children should never post or send anything that they would not want you or their teachers to read or see. Your children should never email or text something that they would not say in person.

Other common sense guidelines that many experts espouse are things like monitoring your children’s instant messaging and web space accounts. Monitoring cell phone use, including numbers called and at what times, is sensible. Calls taken or received to excess or at very late night or early morning hours deserve scrutiny.

What should you do if your child is involved with bullying? If you discover that your child is bullying, it
is very important that you hold him or her accountable for his or her actions. There should be consequences at home, and you should work with the school, if appropriate. Seeking medical treatment or family therapy may be advised. And, children who have bullied should be expected to apologize to their victims.

If you are concerned that your child is a victim of bullying, have open and frank discussions about what has occurred and what your child thinks needs to be done. Encourage new friendships and brainstorm about ways to deal with prospective bullying situations. Seek help from your child’s school, including teachers or counselors. Encourage your child not to fight back. Encourage your child to be assertive and confident. Seek medical and psychological support for concerns such as depression or anxiety.

There are many resources on how to become an educated parent, and common sense guidelines can be found in them.

The following websites have useful information on cyber bullying and cyber safety:
An article about cyber bullying: www.connectforkids.org
Tips about media awareness: www.media-awareness.ca
This site has excellent lists of things to do to keep your kids safe online:
www.wiredsafety.org
Tips for help if your child is bullied online: www.netsmartz.org

The following are general informational websites about bullying:
Stop Bullying Now: stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, Facts for Families on Bullying:
aacap.org

References: The above websites; The American Academy of Pediatrics, Hot Topics in Adolescent Medicine; and various articles and presentations by The Blake School, Middle
School Counselors.
—Jane Laco, MD